Now That I've Found You Read online

  “You don’t have to be afraid of me, Evie.” His voice is soft and low.

  He slides closer, and I let him. He reaches forward and carefully holds my face in his hands, and I let him do that too. When he leans closer, closer, closer, until our lips are a breath apart, I don’t stop him. I don’t want to. My heart is pounding. It feels so loud to me. I’m surprised he can’t hear it too.

  “Are you afraid now?” he whispers.

  Because I want to be honest, I nod. Quickly, I add, “But I still want you to kiss me.”

  Our lips meet somewhere in the middle. His mouth is soft and warm, and his kiss is gentle. Then the kiss deepens, and he snakes his arm around my waist, pulling me closer, right up against his chest. I lower my hands so that they rest on either side of his neck. I feel his pulse beating wildly.

  We kiss like we’ve been waiting to do this forever, and maybe we have. Now that we’re here, I don’t know why we waited this long.

  Oh yeah, I have myself to blame for that.

  Breathlessly, I finally pull away and stare at him. He looks dazed, still gazing at my mouth. I can’t seem to form a clear thought in my head.

  “Overwhelming,” I manage to say.

  He chuckles, surprised. “What?”

  “You’re so overwhelming. In a good way. That’s what I wanted to say before.”

  This makes him smile. He kisses me again until I feel as if our mouths might become permanently attached.

  We pull away again. He lies back on his bed and leaves an open space for me beside him. I cuddle closely, resting my head on his shoulder. I touch my lips. They feel alive and warm.

  When I glance at Milo, I find him staring up at the ceiling, frowning.

  I start to shift away. “What’s wrong?”

  He looks down and notices the distance I’ve put between us. He takes in a breath. “Evie, I…” He stops, and my stomach tightens as I wait for him to continue. He shakes his head and pulls me closer. His weird expression slowly disappears. “Nothing’s wrong. Come here. You okay?”

  “I’m okay,” I say.

  It feels really nice that I don’t have to lie. Maybe this is a good sign for me. Maybe it’s a sign that everything else will be okay too.

  Footage from homemade video—February 7, 1991

  *Evelyn and James are at home in Los Angeles. James has planned a huge surprise party for Evelyn’s birthday. After saying hello to their guests, Evelyn sneaks into the kitchen alcove to have a moment alone. James soon appears, recording.*

  James (off camera): Happy birthday, baby! Were you surprised?

  *Evelyn frowns at him and turns away, slowly breathing in and out. James sets the camera down on the kitchen table. He and Evelyn can be seen standing face-to-face. He reaches for her, but she pushes him away*

  James: Peggy, what’s wrong?

  Evelyn: The last thing I wanted to do was spend my birthday around people who’ve become strangers. You know how I feel about keeping our house as private as possible. I just don’t understand how you can hurt me so easily when you claim that you care about me more than anyone else.

  James: Peg, babe, I’m sorry. It was just a little surprise party! I thought it would make you happy.

  Evelyn: It doesn’t feel like just a little surprise. Instead, it’s like you kept this big secret from me because you wanted to throw a party even though you knew I wouldn’t like it.

  James: That’s not what I was thinking at all. Hey, where are you going?

  *Evelyn brushes past James and out of the camera’s line of sight*

  Evelyn (off camera): Just leave me alone, please.

  James: Peg, hey. Wait a minute.

  *recording ends*

  Chapter Nineteen

  SUNDAY, AUGUST 16

  A text from Kerri wakes me up in the morning.

  Today’s the big day! Just landed at LaGuardia, on my way to the hotel. Your parents are on a later flight and they’ll get in a few hours before the ceremony. Meet me at my hotel in an hour for hair and makeup? I’ll send a car for you. See you soon!

  I bolt upright and stare at my unfamiliar surroundings. A guitar on the floor by the bed. A Jimi Hendrix poster on the wall. Milo snoring quietly beside me.

  I check the time. It’s almost 10:00 A.M.

  Crap. How the heck did I manage to fall asleep here?

  My mind flashes back to our kiss and how I cuddled up to Milo like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

  Oh yeah. That’s how.

  Last night was a nice distraction, but now it’s time to face the music. I have to tell everyone the truth about Gigi. My stomach sinks at the thought of it, but what else am I supposed to do? I have to come to terms with the fact that this movie role is not going to happen for me.

  I throw myself out of the bed, and Milo doesn’t even stir. It’s a good thing he’s a heavy sleeper, because that makes this ten times less awkward. I grab his notebook, open it to a new page, and write him a note.

  Sorry to leave without saying goodbye. I’m going to the Mark Hotel to meet my agent before the ceremony. See you later? —Evie

  I slide on my shoes and tiptoe out into the hallway. Then I hear Raf and Ben talking in the living room. I really don’t want them to see me sneaking out. I can only imagine what they’ll say. I hover in the hallway, trying to quickly figure out the best way to slip by without them noticing. I peek around the corner and watch them.

  “Last night was the best night of my life,” Raf says, sprawled out on the pullout couch. “Did you see me making out with Charisse? I knew she’d come over at some point.”

  Ben nods, sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. Most of his attention is focused on the paperback novel in front of him.

  “And I saw you with Adrian.” Raf wiggles his eyebrows. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on my cousin? I could have helped you out.”

  Ben snorts. “Yeah, sure.”

  Raf lowers his voice to a whisper. “But did you see Milo and Evie? As much as I’m against dating celebrities or whatever, I like her.”

  I roll my eyes and try not to laugh. Now I can die happy knowing that I have Raf’s approval.

  “I like her too,” Ben says, finally looking up from his book. He smiles at Raf. “She’s cool.”

  “Imagine how Milo will tell that story,” Raf continues. He deepens his voice so that he sounds like Milo. “I used to deliver groceries for Evelyn Conaway, and then one day she said she’d hook my band up with a music connect if I hung out with her granddaughter for a few days and made sure she didn’t do anything out of control.”

  “Wait … what?” I go completely still, but somehow my mouth manages to move. I’m sure I’ve misheard him. But I start to feel nauseous as Raf and Ben turn to look in my direction, shocked.

  “What did you just say?” I ask, slowly walking into the living room.

  Ben’s eyes widen, and he closes his book.

  Raf’s mouth falls open. “Evie, uh, hey, good morning! I thought you were asleep.” He starts to get up. “Do you want some cereal? We have Lucky Charms and Cheerios and—”

  “Please repeat what you just said.” I shake my head, trying to make sense of this. “Please.”

  Raf catches his breath, and his smile finally fades. “Your grandma,” he says. “She said she’d help Milo out if he kept an eye on you … I thought you knew. I thought that’s why you always looked like you didn’t really want to be around.”

  “No.” There’s a dull buzzing sound in my ears, like static on a television. “I didn’t know.”

  Raf sits there, blinking. “I’m so sorry.”

  All those times Milo insisted on coming places with me because he didn’t want me to go alone, because he wanted to make sure I was okay. Because he was concerned about Gigi too. He said he just wanted to help. Those were lies.

  And before the gala, I asked if his roommates knew anything about Gigi being gone. He said no. Another lie. Gigi asked him to keep an eye on me, like I’m a child who can
’t be trusted.

  I’m not a liar. That’s something you should know about me now.

  But that was the biggest lie of all.

  Oh my God.

  The sympathetic look on Ben’s face make me want to break into a run.

  “I have to go,” I say, abruptly turning and walking toward the door. I need to get out of here.

  “Evie,” Ben says faintly, “don’t leave yet.”

  “Hey, hey, wait,” Raf calls.

  I’m pounding down the hallway steps, but I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, trying to run underwater. I burst through the door and inhale the muggy air. I lean back against the brick wall, squeezing my eyes closed. I think I’m going to be sick.

  I won’t cry here. With shaky hands, I pull out my phone to call a car to take me back to Gigi’s, but I drop my phone right away. I bend down, fighting back sobs.

  It happened again. I let someone get close to me just to be used. When will I learn? How stupid can I be? Apparently, very. Very, very stupid.

  The door swings open, and Milo steps outside. He’s not wearing any shoes.

  “What are you doing out here?” he asks, moving toward me. Instinctively, I take a step back, and he freezes. “What’s wrong?”

  “You can drop the act, Milo.” My hands continue to shake as I fumble around with my phone. “No need to babysit anymore.”

  “What are you talking about?” he asks. This time he does move forward, ignoring my iciness.

  “You were using me!” I burst. “That’s what’s going on.” I think of how he kissed me, how right it felt. But none of it was real. I swipe angrily at the tears sliding down my cheeks. “You kept insisting that you just wanted to help me out of the kindness of your heart, but really you were only keeping an eye on me because Gigi said she’d hook you up with that music guy. Why’d you kiss me? Because you figured it would distract me? Well, bravo, Milo. You’re a pretty good liar after all.”

  He shakes his head, agonized, but I don’t believe it. Not for one minute. “I almost told you last night, but I knew you’d be too angry to let me explain,” he says. “I thought it would be better if I told you the truth once your grandma came back and we could put it behind us.”

  “You’re right. I don’t want to hear your explanation.” I don’t even bother with wiping my tears away anymore. “Do you know where she is? Have you known this whole time?”

  “No! I don’t know where she is,” he says, holding out his hand for me. “I swear. She wouldn’t say.”

  “You’re probably lying right now.” I turn away from him. “Go back inside, Milo. Leave me alone.”

  We look ridiculous, arguing like this in broad daylight. Milo’s neighbors walk by, barely sparing us a glance. It’s probably a normal Sunday morning in Brooklyn to them.

  Milo moves to stand right in front of me. “It’s not what you think. She’d already been in touch with the A&R guy before she asked me to watch out for you. And I agreed to it because I wanted to return the favor for all the times she’s helped me. At first, I was just hanging out with you because your grandma asked, but I kept coming back because I wanted to see you.” He shifts into my line of sight, desperate to meet my eyes. “It was so obvious to me that you were lonely. Every day I just wanted to know that you were okay.”

  “Ah, I see. So you felt sorry for me.”

  “No, that’s not it,” he says, frustrated. “I care about you, Evie. Please, you have to believe me.”

  Hurting the people I care about scares me. That’s why I don’t like to lie.

  Ha, I’ve finally caught him in a lie. This is the most bittersweet triumph. I almost laugh.

  “You used me because you didn’t want your parents to force you to give up music and go to college,” I say. “You sat there and listened to my story about Simone, but you’re no better than her.”

  “I’m like Simone? Really?” He sounds like I just punched him in the gut, but I refuse to feel sorry. “That’s how you feel?”

  “Yes. That’s exactly how I feel.”

  He laughs, but it’s a tight, angry sound. “Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? All this from the girl who went behind her grandmother’s back to work with James Jenkins, the one man she hates most in the world. What makes what you’ve done any different, Evie?”

  I glare at him, breathing hard. I hate that I shared my secret with him last night only for him to throw it in my face. “It’s not the same thing at all.”

  “Can we just go back inside and talk about this?” He glances around. “Please.”

  I shake my head. I’m not going anywhere with him. I’ll never believe another word he says.

  I look down at my phone, swiping forcefully. The stupid car app won’t load. Of course this is the time it chooses to malfunction.

  Then a lone green taxi turns onto Milo’s street. Finally, the universe has decided to throw me a bone.

  “Goodbye, Milo.” I push past him and hail the taxi. “Good luck with your music. I’m sure your career will take off soon. Don’t bother coming by to feed the cats. I’ll take care of it myself.”

  “Evie, wait…”

  He makes a grab for my arm, but I swivel and evade him, dashing for the taxi as soon as it pulls over. He’s right behind me, but I shut the door on him.

  He pounds on the window once. “Evie! Just let me talk to you.”

  I turn away and give Gigi’s address to the taxi driver.

  I refuse to look back at Milo as we drive down the block. So what if he lied to me? So what if Gigi had something to do with it? I’ve been through worse than this.

  Heartbreak is nothing compared to being betrayed by a best friend, to basically losing my career. It’s nothing compared to disappointing your parents and making them stop their work because they don’t trust you anymore. It’s nothing compared to a grandmother who’d rather fall off the face of the earth and keep her own secrets than talk to me.

  I barely even knew Milo. He means nothing.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Evie, what’s the matter?” Kerri asks, ushering me into her hotel suite. A team of people that she hired for hair, makeup, and wardrobe is waiting for me in the living room, and when they see my swollen eyes and puffy face, Kerri pivots us into the bathroom.

  “Just give us one minute,” she says smoothly.

  I sit down on the toilet seat with my face in my hands, and Kerri softly closes the door behind us. She crouches down in front of me and places her hand on my knee.

  “Evie, honey, I need you to tell me what’s wrong,” she says. “You’re scaring me.”

  She must really be afraid because she hasn’t even asked about my wig or hat or sunglasses. I’m just regular me. And I feel like dirt. Less than that.

  I sniffle and wipe my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. I look into Kerri’s calm face. She’s been my rock. The one who always told me the truth, no matter what, for the short amount of time that she’s been in my life.

  “Do you think we’d be friends if you didn’t work for me?” I ask, knowing how pathetic I sound. “Would you want to be friends with someone like me?”

  “Someone like you?” she repeats. “Of course I would. What, you don’t think we’re friends now?” She smiles at me, but it fades when I don’t smile in return.

  “Why are we doing this?” I ask quietly. “It’s not worth it.”

  “What’s not worth it?” she says, confused.

  “Me. I’m not worth it. I should never put myself in a position where people have to decide whether or not they like me. I already know the answer.”

  “Of course you’re worth it. Why are you talking like this?” She leans back, analyzing me. “You weren’t happy before you left, but at least you were hopeful. Something’s happened to you. Talk to me, Evie.”

  Well, here it is. The moment of truth. Literally.

  Just as I’m about to tell Kerri that I have no idea where Gigi is and that she most likely will not be at the ceremony or
meet with James Jenkins for any Every Time We Meet remake, someone knocks on the bathroom door.

  “Uh, Kerri,” a glam team member says, “there’s a boy here to see Evie. He says he has her hat.”

  Milo? How did he know where to find me? Then I remember that I wrote down the name of the hotel on the note I left him. And I left behind my baseball cap. Stupid.

  Kerri looks at me and raises an eyebrow. “Please tell me this meltdown isn’t about the musician.”

  “It’s not,” I say, shaking my head. “Not completely.”

  She frowns, doubtful. “Do you want to talk to him?”

  “No.” Of this I’m sure.

  Kerri stands and goes to the door, opening it slightly. “Can you send him away? Evie doesn’t want to see him.”

  Then I hear Milo call out my name. The next thing I know, he’s pushing open the bathroom door in a frenzy.

  “Excuse me,” Kerri says, affronted. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “Sorry,” Milo says. “Evie left her hat at my house, and I came to give it back.”

  “I can’t believe you followed me here,” I say, standing up. “Go home, Milo.”

  He looks directly at me, undeterred. “Evie, just hear me out.”

  I stand there silently and cross my arms over my chest.

  Kerri glances back and forth between us, and when I don’t say anything, she nods. “I’m going to give you five minutes. Five. That’s it. And then you’ve gotta go, and Evie, we have to get started on hair and makeup.” She takes my baseball cap from Milo and narrows her eyes at him. “I’m watching you, kid.”

  She closes the door behind her, and the five-minute countdown commences.

  Milo stares at me, a slightly wild look in his eyes. I still can’t believe he came all the way here. “I’m sorry, Evie.”

  I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. You got what you wanted. I’m not looking for my grandmother anymore, and I’m going back to LA tomorrow. The way I see it, we don’t have anything to talk about.”