Now That I've Found You Read online

  “I didn’t get what I wanted,” he says, frowning.

  I lift my hands and cover my eyes. I don’t want to cry again. This entire week has been so melodramatic! I didn’t ask for any of these feelings. I wish I could go back to Thursday, when I let him come with me to the gala. No—I wish I could go back to May, when Paul Christopher offered me the chance to audition for his film. I’d say no, and eventually something else would have come my way. My whole life would be different.

  “Don’t cry,” Milo says, stepping toward me.

  I hold up a hand to stop him. “Don’t.” He freezes.

  I hate that I let him hurt me, and I hate that I like him so much, even still. I have no one to blame but myself.

  Milo sighs, still staring at me intensely.

  “After you left, I kept thinking about where your grandmother could be,” he says. “I thought about all the places I’ve been with her before, the places we didn’t go this week.” He pauses. “Do you remember the brownstone where she lived with her family in Brooklyn? She bought it a while ago, and I think she might be there now.” Every bone in my body is telling me that I shouldn’t believe him, that I should send him away. But I think back to the photo Candice gave me of young Gigi in her white-and-yellow dress, sitting on her front stoop. And I think about the sad look on Gigi’s face when she took me to that same place five years ago. I don’t know why she would be at her old apartment, but something about it makes sense.

  “She’s only brought me there once, but I think I remember where it is,” Milo says.

  “The same way you remembered where Esther lived,” I say, annoyed. I shouldn’t trust him, but what if he’s right? I need to see for myself if it’s true. “Can you take me?”

  “Of course.”

  Kerri is in the middle of talking to the glam team when Milo and I step out of the bathroom. She turns around to face us.

  “Everything okay?” she says, looking at me.

  I contemplate lying, telling her that everything is fine and that I’m just walking Milo down to the lobby, when I really plan to leave and find Gigi. But I don’t want to lie to Kerri anymore. She deserves the truth.

  “Can I talk to you for a second?” I ask, motioning for her to follow me back into the bathroom.

  “What’s going on?” she asks, frowning once again. She closes the bathroom door.

  I tell Kerri everything. How Gigi left, how I’ve been looking for her. And finally, how Milo thinks he might know where she is.

  “Evie, this is ridiculous.” She runs a frantic hand through her long hair. “I can’t believe you waited until now to tell me!”

  “I’m so sorry,” I say, feeling sick to my stomach.

  She shakes her head. “I can’t allow you to go with Milo on a fool’s errand. We don’t have time. We can worry about James Jenkins and his team later, but right now, we need to get you ready to accept the award on your grandmother’s behalf. I’ll have someone call the FCC committee and let them know she won’t make it.” She reaches to open the bathroom door, and suddenly the idea of going to the ceremony when Gigi is so close feels impossible. I need to talk to Gigi, but more than anything, I just want to make sure she’s okay. I want to see her and hug her and hear her tell me that she doesn’t hate me.

  “Wait!” I reach out and squeeze Kerri’s hands. “Please, Kerri, just give me a chance to bring her home. If Gigi isn’t where Milo thinks she is, we can call everyone and tell them the truth. But please, I just need to know if she’s there.”

  Kerri is still shaking her head, blinking like she can’t understand what she’s hearing. “I’m going to come with you.”

  “I need to handle this on my own,” I say. “I’ll be okay. I swear.”

  She looks skeptical, and I know the last thing she wants to do is let me go. But she says, “At least have the driver who is waiting downstairs take you. And come right back. Please come right back.”

  “I will,” I promise, and then Milo and I are out the door.

  I hate that I’ve given Kerri a reason to distrust me.

  And I hate that I’m depending on Milo again, but this will be the last time I ask for his help.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  There’s a SOLD sign hanging in front of Gigi’s old brownstone. Or new brownstone, I guess. I don’t know what to call it. Milo tells me that this part of Brooklyn is Fort Greene. There are lots of babies and dogs and coffee shops. I bet it wasn’t like this when Gigi was growing up.

  Work has been done on the exterior of the brownstone. It’s modern and new, and there aren’t any cracks on the front stoop. But other than that, it looks the same as when Gigi posed here for a photo when she was a little girl.

  In Gigi’s note, she said she wouldn’t be too far away. I just never thought to look here. This place is cemented in my mind as something from the past, falling apart and waiting to be torn down. But here’s Gigi’s childhood home, gleaming in the summer sun.

  I walk up the steps, and Milo follows close behind. Should I knock first? What if the SOLD sign is because Gigi fixed up the brownstone and sold it to another family but never said anything? When I reach the door, I see that it’s slightly ajar, as if someone thought they’d closed it but actually didn’t. That’s weird.

  Slowly, I push the door open. I glance back at Milo, and he shrugs. We quietly step into the hallway. It’s empty and smells like Lysol. There’s a room at the end of the hall and a staircase leading up to the second floor.

  Right away, I learn that we’re not alone. There are people here, and they’re arguing.

  In shock, I register the sound of Gigi’s voice. Gigi, who is usually calm and collected, is shouting. And a quieter voice—a man’s voice—is trying to appease her.

  Without another thought, I stealthily climb the staircase. Milo hesitates in the hallway, but I don’t turn around to ask if he’s coming.

  The staircase leads to an open living room. It’s empty save for a folding chair. And there, placed on the seat, is a big floppy white hat. Ha. I knew I saw Gigi at Bryant Park. At least at this I can feel vindicated.

  The walls in the room are pastel blue, just like the walls of my bedroom, and it smells as if they were recently painted. Propped up in the corner is the blown-up portrait from the photo shoot I did with Candice Tevin on my eleventh birthday. Gigi and I are standing side by side. I’m smiling up at her, all big curly hair and scrawny limbs. And Gigi is looking right back at me, one hand on her hip, her other hand placed on my cheek. Is this what Gigi secretly bought from Candice?

  I creep toward the sound of Gigi’s voice coming from down the hall.

  “I knew you were behind this,” she says angrily. “There was no other reason why they would decide to honor me out of the blue.”

  “It isn’t out of the blue,” the man argues. “You’ve deserved this for years. Decades.”

  His voice sounds familiar. So familiar that it makes my stomach twist. I pause by the doorway to the room in which they’re standing. I peek my head inside, and the first things I notice are portraits I saw at Candice’s gala. The portrait of Gigi with James Jenkins on the set of Every Time We Meet and another portrait of Gigi with my mom and grandfather, standing by the pool. They’re framed and placed side by side on the floor.

  Then my gaze turns to Gigi and James Jenkins, who are standing in the middle of the room with their backs to me.

  James Jenkins … here right now, with Gigi.

  James Jenkins.

  What in the world is happening?

  “And I don’t want these portraits,” Gigi says to him. “I don’t know why you bought them from Candice.”

  “What do you mean?” James asks, incredulous. “I bought them for you. I thought you’d want them.”

  “You don’t listen! You never do.” Gigi shakes her head, furious. “You started this whole mess, and you even pulled Evie Marie into it. Now she’s under pressure to present an award to me that I don’t even want.” Gigi crosses her arms over her c
hest. She’s wearing a loose-fitting cream sundress, her gray curls tied into a low bun at the nape of her neck. She’s a petite woman, but right now she stands up tall. “This is your way of trying to make amends, but I wish you would stop. It’s been eight years, James—”

  “Eight years of you refusing to forgive me,” he says fiercely. “I’m sorry for what I did, Peg. I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you if that’s what you want.”

  Gigi shakes her head again. “If you would let me finish, you’d hear me say that I have forgiven you. I shouldn’t have reacted so harshly at the FCCs when you were being honored. It was childish, and I’ve regretted it every day since. What happened between us was unfortunate, but that’s just the way of things. I forgive you, and I want to move on.”

  “I don’t.” He takes a deep breath and steps forward until there’s no space between them. “I’ve never stopped loving you. Not for one second. If you don’t still love me too, I’ll leave. But just say the words, Peg. That’s all I need to hear.”

  Gigi stares at him, bringing a hand to her chest, breathing quickly. “Of course I still love you, you fool.”

  Then James Jenkins takes my grandmother into his arms and kisses her with more passion than I’ve ever seen in any of their movies, and my mouth falls open in shock. Gigi breaks the kiss and pushes him away, slapping his shoulder.

  “I didn’t say that you could kiss me!” she hisses. “Really, James. Why do you always have to take things to the next level?”

  “Because I love you and you love me,” he says simply. “What else matters?”

  “Oh my God.”

  This is said by me. I don’t mean to say it, but I cannot believe what I’m seeing right now.

  James and Gigi quickly spin around to face me.

  “Evie Marie?” Gigi says, eyes wide. “What are you doing here?”

  “What am I doing here? What are you doing here?” I point at James and shout, “And what is he doing here?”

  “It’s not what it looks like,” Gigi says, coming toward me.

  “Is this where you’ve been all week? Hiding here in Brooklyn, waiting for James, of all people?” I ask, backing away. “You disappeared out of nowhere and couldn’t call to tell me that you were okay, but somehow you found time to tell him?” To James, I say, “You told me you didn’t know where she was. You lied.”

  He walks toward me too, and I take another step back.

  “I didn’t lie,” he says. “For years Peg has wanted to buy this place and fix it up. I came here on a hunch. I didn’t know if I’d actually find her.”

  “I’ve been on a wild-goose chase, looking for you every day, Gigi,” I say, feeling stupid. “And you’ve been here this whole time. You abandoned me when I needed you the most. Just like when you left LA.” I only saw what I wanted to see: the possibility that I could find Gigi and bring her back home. That’s what wishful thinking will do to you. “You abandoned me just so that you could be with him?”

  “That’s not what this is, Evie Marie,” Gigi says. “It’s not what it looks like.”

  I suddenly don’t know if I even want an explanation. My feelings are too big, and this room is too small. I turn around and walk back into the living room, forcing myself to breathe in and out, and Gigi and James quickly follow behind me. Milo is standing in the middle of the living room, and he starts to approach me, but I hold out an arm to keep him at bay.

  I can’t trust any of these people, and they’re closing in on me.

  “I didn’t come here to be with James,” Gigi says. “I came here because the thought of going to the FCC ceremony was too much. For years, I’ve kept the industry out of my life, and here you were trying to force me back into it. I left so that I could come to my old home, where I feel grounded and calm. Years ago I bought this place because I thought one day I’d move here myself. But once I was here, I realized what I should do is give this place to you.”

  “What?” I say, shocked. I look around again at the pastel blue walls, at the portrait leaning against the wall of Gigi and me. Now it all makes sense. “Me?”

  “I thought maybe it could be a home to you,” she says. “I’ve been so worried about you, Evie Marie. And for the first time in your life, you wouldn’t let me help you. You wouldn’t talk to me. You were so caught up in getting approval from everyone, approval that you don’t need. I thought maybe if I could offer you a safe space of your own, a place where you could start over and find a sense of peace, then maybe you’d gain some perspective about your career. About your life. You’re so young, baby girl, and you have so much time on your hands. You don’t have to rush into anything. This place is for you, and this way you can be close to me without having to be under the same roof if that’s not what you want. I’d planned to tell you everything this morning, but then James came and threw everything off.”

  Beside her, James mouths, Sorry.

  I just stare at Gigi, unable to put how I feel into words. But one thought is clear: This is just another empty house. Just like her townhouse in Manhattan this week. Just like my house back in LA. I’d be left alone all over again. For once in my life, I’d like for someone to stick around and show up for me. For someone to stay.

  “Gigi, I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you thought to do this for me,” I say. “But the FCC ceremony is starting soon, and we need to be there, both of us together.”

  She shakes her head, looking at me sadly. “Evie Marie, I don’t need this award. That was all James’s doing. He persuaded the board to honor me, and it was his idea to have you as the presenter. He’s trying to atone for what he’s done, but I will tell you the same thing I told him: I don’t need to stand up in front of a crowd to know my worth, and neither do you. That’s what I want you to understand.”

  “It’s not just about your award.” I point at James. “He’s remaking Every Time We Meet and he offered me the role of Diane. But only if I got the two of you to meet and if you gave your blessing.”

  Gigi turns to James sharply. “Really, James? In your gallant plan to come here and woo me, when were you going to reveal that you were blackmailing my granddaughter?”

  “I was getting around to it.” He backs away sheepishly. “And I wouldn’t necessarily call it blackmailing.”

  Gigi heaves a sigh, turning to face me again. “Eight years ago, James and I planned to purchase the rights to reproduce Every Time We Meet. People were still in love with that movie even forty-two years after it had first premiered, and it meant so much to us—a symbol of a love that would always come back to you.” She stops and smiles sadly. “Producing the movie was supposed to be something we did together, but James went behind my back and secured the rights on his own. He was going to remake our movie without me.” James takes a step forward to hold Gigi’s hand, and she tries to wave him off, shooting him a pointed look. “And as I’ve said, I’ve already forgiven him for this.”

  But James manages to capture her waving hand and holds it to his chest. He picks up the story where Gigi left off. “After everything we’d been through, everything I’d put us through, I wanted to make my big comeback while standing on my own two feet.” He smiles sardonically. “I ended up breaking your grandmother’s heart and, therefore, mine as well. When she found out what I’d done, it was the final straw. We had separated privately, well before the FCC ceremony. The board didn’t know that, of course, so they asked your grandmother to present my lifetime achievement award.”

  “I was still so hurt and angry that instead of saying no, I agreed to attend the ceremony,” Gigi says. “And I yelled at James on live television. When it was all over, I was so embarrassed by what I’d done that I never wanted to talk about it again. We divorced, and then I moved to New York.” She shrugs her elegant shoulders. “That is most likely why he wanted my blessing for the remake, because he didn’t ask for it the first time around.”

  I look back and forth between her and James, my head spinning. “I never would have agreed
to play Diane if I knew that backstory.”

  “I know you wouldn’t have, baby,” Gigi says softly. “It’s a story I should have told you a long time ago.”

  “Is that the only reason you gave me the role?” I ask, looking at James. “To make up for what you’ve done to Gigi?”

  “No,” he says, frowning. “I meant what I told you yesterday. You’re talented. You deserve the role.”

  I barely absorb his words as I back toward the hallway. I don’t know what to believe anymore. What I do know is this: I’m going to the ceremony, and I will make things right for myself with or without Gigi. I don’t know what any of this means for my deal with James, but going to the ceremony is my chance to prove to everyone that I’m all right. To erase the terrible impression I left in their minds when that video leaked. Even if I’m never in another movie for the rest of my life.

  Milo moves to follow me. I almost forgot he was here. But now I’m reminded of another reason that I have to be hurt. He reaches out to touch my shoulder or maybe give me a hug. I’m not sure—all I know is that I don’t want it. I step back to evade him. Gigi catches the motion with a frown.

  “I’m sorry, Evie. Don’t be upset with him,” she says. “I just wanted Milo to look out for you.” Her eyes widen when I walk toward the stairs. “Where are you going?”

  “I have to get ready for the ceremony.” I pause, waiting to see what she’ll say, if she’ll change her mind.

  “If that’s what you want to do, I’m not going to stop you,” she says. “But you don’t need it. All you need is to believe in yourself. You’ll realize that the opinions of those people don’t matter.”

  Numbly, I turn around and walk downstairs. I hear the sound of Milo’s heavy footsteps following me, but reality doesn’t snap into focus again until I’m outside.

  I start walking, trying to understand everything that just happened. Then I’m gasping for breath, and I realize that at some point I started running.

  “Evie,” Milo calls. He runs ahead, coming to a stop in front of me. “Are you okay?”