Now That I've Found You Read online

  When Gigi and I said we were going to forgo the remake discussion, Kerri smoothly and quickly had it handled. James wasn’t surprised. He said he basically expected as much when Gigi decided to go to the ceremony.

  I don’t know if I’m going to do the remake anymore. I really need to take a step back and figure out what I want to do for me. I don’t want to make decisions based on my family’s legacy, and I’m done with trying to figure out what will make other people happy. I won’t pretend that this doesn’t frighten me, just a little. Since I started at McKibben, I always had a plan for what I wanted. I have no idea what my future looks like now.

  I told Kerri as much, and she understands, even if it means her life will be a little less busy.

  “Thank you,” I say now, leaning into her.

  She stops fidgeting and smiles at me. “For what?”

  “For being great at your job. And for being a good friend.”

  She squeezes my hand but doesn’t reply. This is a lot of affection coming from her.

  “I’m going to get changed,” I say, excusing myself from the table.

  I lift the skirt of my ball gown as I walk upstairs. My French bob wig is the first thing I see when I enter my room. I hold it in my hands as I sit on my bed. This is a great wig, and it served me well. But I don’t think I’ll wear it again anytime soon. Not unless I need it for Halloween or something.

  A knock at my door makes me raise my head.

  “Can I come in?” Gigi asks.

  I nod and move over to make room for her on my bed. She settles down beside me, light as a feather.

  “I’m so sorry, Evie Marie,” she says. “For keeping things from you. I thought I was doing what was best. But I should have trusted you to understand where I was coming from. And I know that it’s not right for me to disappear whenever I feel stressed. I’m going to work on that, I promise.”

  I look down at my hands in my lap. “I should be apologizing to you. I was only thinking about myself. I should’ve listened the first time you said that you didn’t want to go to the ceremony.”

  She softly runs a hand over my head. “I understand why you did what you did. But you should know that none of those people can keep you from reaching your full potential. If you’re meant to be the biggest star the world has seen, then that is what the future holds for you, and nobody will be able to change that. Take it from an old lady from Brooklyn who thought she’d spend the rest of her life singing in speakeasies.”

  “I hope I’ll be able to follow your path,” I say.

  She smiles. “You’ll be better than me, surely.”

  “That’s a lot to live up to, but we’ll see.”

  “I meant what I said about moving into my house in Brooklyn,” she says. “It’s there for you if you want it.”

  Her offer sounds tempting, and maybe I would have taken her up on it weeks ago. But I don’t want to run from my problems either.

  “I think I need to go back home to LA,” I say. “I haven’t really given myself a chance to start over there.”

  “I understand,” she says, nodding. “I’ll support your decision either way, and I can rent the brownstone out and get a lot more money in the process.”

  She winks, and I laugh. Then I remember something. I get up, grab Candice’s USB and the two old photos, and hand them to Gigi. “Candice wanted me to give this to you.”

  She looks at the photos in surprise, then smiles. She inspects the USB, turning it over in her palm. “What’s this?”

  “It’s a USB drive. Your old home videos are saved on it. James is in a lot of them.”

  “Ah,” she says quietly.

  Hesitantly, I ask, “Are you going to get back together with James now?”

  “No. I’m not concerned about that at the moment. We need to learn how to be friends again first.”

  “Do you think he’ll still move forward with the remake even if I don’t want to play Diane anymore?”

  “Don’t worry about that. He’ll get over it, whatever you decide.” She puts her arm around me, and I lean into her. “I’ve forgiven him. It took me years, but I’ve done it. People are going to hurt us throughout our lives, Evie Marie. We can’t control that. But we can control how we respond. We can choose to forgive people. I know you’ll be able to forgive the people who’ve hurt you too.”

  I pull away and look at her. “Okay, forgiving is one thing, but what about finding a way to trust that person again, or other people in general?” I ask. “How can you trust that James won’t lie to you in the future, that he won’t break your heart?”

  “I don’t know,” she says honestly. “And I can’t say for sure what he’ll do. But I believe that he will try his best. Sometimes trusting another person simply starts with believing that they want to do right by you.”

  I think about Simone and the way she helped with my makeup in my moment of need. I’ve already decided that I will try my best to forgive her, even if we won’t be friends again.

  But she isn’t the only person I need to consider forgiving.

  Kerri knocks on the door, sans her towering high heels, and she looks so much smaller.

  “Hey,” she says softly, “sorry to interrupt. Evie, Milo is outside, waiting for you. I know he kind of lives here, so I wasn’t really sure what to tell him.” She glances at Gigi, who then glances at me.

  I bite my lip, unsure of what to do.

  “Maybe you should just listen to what he has to say,” Gigi gently encourages. “He reminds me of your grandfather, and I’ve always thought that was a good sign.”

  “He reminds of you him how?” I ask.

  “He’s patient and doesn’t give up too easily.” She smiles softly, giving me a long look, waiting for her meaning to sink in.

  With my heart in my throat, I stand up. “Okay.”

  * * *

  Milo is standing on the front stoop, waiting for me, just like he’s done countless times this past week.

  “Hey,” he says.

  “Hey.” I close the door behind me.

  He takes a step down to give me room. His gaze travels from my head to my toes, and I feel silly for not having changed out of my gown.

  “You look nice,” he says.

  “Thank you.”

  I lower my eyes and stare down at his Vans. “How did your meeting go with the record company?”

  “I missed it,” he says.

  “What?” My head snaps up. “Why?”

  “I went with you to find your grandmother.” He says it matter-of-factly, not like he wants me to feel as though I owe him.

  My voice is quiet. “Milo, you didn’t have to do that.”

  “It’s okay,” he says, shrugging. “Helping you was more important. I told Adam I had a family emergency. Apparently he likes us so much he was willing to reschedule.”

  “That’s good,” I say, so relieved I descend a stoop stair, moving closer to him.

  “I watched the ceremony,” he says. “You gave a dope speech. Everyone is talking about it online.”

  “Are they?” I ask wryly. I still don’t think I’ll bother to check. At least not for a little while.

  He nods. “Yeah, all good things.”

  “Oh.”

  We fall quiet again. I can’t stand the awkwardness between us.

  “I’m sorry, Evie,” he says, breaking the silence. “I should have been honest with you from the beginning.”

  The sincerity in his voice shakes me. I look at him, standing here on Gigi’s front stoop, apologizing and putting himself out there for me again.

  “I shouldn’t have said that you were like Simone,” I say. “That’s not true.”

  He’s quiet for a moment. Then he asks, “Do you ever think we’ll be able to move past this?”

  “Um.” I hate the way that my voice wobbles. Move past this to what? A future where the two of us are together? I can forgive Milo. I’m strong enough to do that. And I understand why he did what he did; he was being loyal to G
igi. But I’ll never be able to forget the way he lied to me so easily. How could we ever have a future if I can’t trust him?

  Maybe Gigi has found a way to put her trust in James again. But theirs is an epic romance. They’re practically soul mates. The thought of comparing Milo and me to them is ridiculous. What we had barely lasted a week, and this is what happened.

  “It’s okay, Milo. I forgive you,” I say, and I find that I truly mean it. “I wish you luck with the band. I really do think you guys will take off.”

  He frowns, picking up on the finality in my tone.

  “I guess we were never meant to be friends, huh?” His voice sounds so sad I can’t even take it.

  “Thank you for your help,” I say, unable to look at him. “Really. Regardless of why you helped me, I liked having you there.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says quietly.

  “I have to go. We’re flying back to LA tomorrow.” I turn, but he quickly climbs the steps until he’s right in front of me. He reaches out and wraps me tightly in his arms. I breathe deeply, inhaling his cinnamon scent, committing it to memory.

  I hold back a sob as I pull away. “Bye, Milo.”

  His hands gently linger on my waist, then he lets go. “Bye, Evie.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  MONDAY, AUGUST 17

  Gigi goes with us to the airport on Monday morning. There aren’t any paparazzi around, and no one else is trying to take photos of us. I guess we’re old news now. I can’t say that I’m upset about it.

  My parents have decided to stay in LA for the unforeseeable future. They’ll edit what they’ve already filmed for their documentary and head back to Botswana sometime next year. I’m going to stay in LA and try to figure things out. Whatever that means.

  Kerri is busy making sure everyone has their boarding passes, working even when she doesn’t have to.

  “You are quite the worker bee,” Gigi says to her.

  Kerri freezes. She still has moments when she’s completely in awe to be speaking with Evelyn Conaway. “Oh, um. Yes, I guess so.”

  “That’s a good quality,” Gigi says. “You remind me of my friend Esther.”

  At this, Kerri beams. Then she hustles my parents toward security.

  It feels weird to leave New York now. I’m still sad over the way things ended with Milo and me. Maybe in the future, he and I will eventually become friends. Maybe we need years between now and then, like Gigi and James Jenkins.

  And I don’t want to leave Gigi just yet. I barely got to spend any time with her this week. But I have the portrait from my eleventh birthday that she bought from Candice, and I’m taking it back to LA with me. I’ll return to see Gigi soon. I promised her this.

  “You’re always welcome to stay here in the city with me,” she says as we hug goodbye. She kisses my forehead. “You’ll find your happiness soon, my love. And once you do, watch out, world.”

  “Thanks, Gigi.” I hug her again, tighter this time.

  Once we’re on the plane and in the air, I look down at New York City, the city where I wasn’t necessarily able to start over, but where I learned that starting over is possible.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  FRIDAY, OCTOBER 9

  My cast mates and I hold hands and bow onstage. We receive a standing ovation. Not too bad for opening night. Not too bad for my first-ever professional stage performance.

  When I first came back to LA, I took a few weeks to figure out what it was that I wanted to do. For a while, I actively didn’t think about it. Then Gigi called because Mr. Gabriel wanted to know if I’d ever reached out to his niece. Not wanting to break the promise I’d made him, I called Janine. I didn’t think much would come of it, maybe just that I’d make a connection. But it turns out Janine was working on a play that sounded really cool, a love triangle between three college students. I read the script and fell in love with the character of Renee. Something about the way she begins the story so closed off and eventually opens up to love appealed to me. She’s not the lead, and she doesn’t even get the guy at the end, but that didn’t matter. Kerri and I had a meeting with Janine, and then I was cast. According to preview reviews, it seems like people like my performance. But I try not to pay too much attention to what people are writing anymore.

  Kerri is waiting backstage with my family. My mom and dad, and Gigi and James, even Mr. Gabriel too.

  Gigi is the first to hug me. These past few months have been good to her. She’s practically glowing. I still can’t believe she’s here, that she actually came back to LA after all these years. She and James still aren’t together—at least that’s what she says. Right now, he splits his time between New York and LA. He takes me out for lunch sometimes when he can fit it into his schedule. He’s in the middle of filming the last Aliens Attack Earth movie. He’s shelved the idea of an Every Time We Meet remake for now. I’m happy he found the time to see my show tonight.

  “You did good, kid,” he says, giving me a sideways hug. “I bet you’ll get a Tony for this.”

  I give him a look. “Yeah, well, don’t go making calls to anyone just yet. I know how you are.”

  He holds up his hands, laughing. “I won’t. I promise.”

  My mom and dad hug me next, and Mr. Gabriel gives me an enthusiastic pat on the shoulder. “I told you to call my Janine, didn’t I?”

  I nod, laughing. “Yeah, she’s great.”

  Kerri places a bouquet of roses into my arms.

  “Oh my gosh, thank you, Kerri!” I start to wrap my arms around her, then stop, remembering that she prefers not to hug. But to my surprise, she reaches out to hug me instead.

  “You’re welcome.” She smiles and straightens out her blazer when she pulls away. “You deserve them.”

  Beside me, Gigi gently grabs my hand and places something small in my palm. “I meant to give this to you before your show, but we arrived late.” When I unfurl my fingers, I stare down at a small black guitar pick covered in tiny nicks.

  I look up at her, speechless. “How … how did you get this?”

  “Milo gave it to me.” She looks at me closely. “He said you’d know what it meant.”

  “Oh.” I fall silent, staring down at the pick again. My family watches me, saying nothing.

  Finally, my mom breaks the silence. “Ready to go, baby?”

  I look up at their expectant faces. “Um, yeah.”

  But I don’t move. I haven’t talked to Milo since that night in August when we said goodbye to each other. I’ve thought about him, though. I still think about him all the time, actually. I heard that Doves Have Pride ended up getting signed to Vivid Music Group. I even made my own Spotify account so that I could listen to the band’s new music. I love what they’re doing now, but I can’t bring myself to reach out to Milo and say so. There are so many times that I’ve almost texted him. But I never follow through, because it’s been months since we last spoke. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

  To Gigi, I say, “When you get back to New York, can you please tell him that I said thank you?”

  “Oh, he won’t be back in New York for a little while,” she says. “The label decided to send the band on a small tour.”

  She waits for me to let this sink in, then she adds, “He’s in LA tonight, actually. It’s their first show.”

  I blink. “Really?”

  Beside me, Kerri says, “Seriously, you didn’t know? I thought you purposely weren’t mentioning it because … well, you know.”

  “I still don’t have social media,” I say weakly. “Isn’t that where most people get their news?”

  Putting on her agent hat, Kerri pulls out her phone and shows me a flyer for the band’s show. It’s at a venue about thirty minutes away, and it started at 8:00 P.M. It’s most likely almost over now.

  My heart starts beating a little faster. It’s telling me something, but I don’t know what it’s saying. I look at Gigi again, the same face I’ve turned to time and time again for advice. She
meets my gaze and nods.

  That’s it, just a nod. It could mean anything.

  It’s up to me to interpret it however I wish.

  “Um,” I say, “I think I’ll go to the show … now.”

  * * *

  James drives like a bat out of hell, but I don’t care. I wish we could fly to the venue in a high-speed spaceship like in his Aliens Attack Earth movies. I just need to get there.

  Kerri and I are squished in the back seat with my parents, who are both understandably confused by tonight’s recent turn of events.

  “Fill me in, please, Evie Marie,” Dad is saying. “Who is this Milo person, and why is he so important to you?”

  “Um, he’s just this boy I know,” I answer.

  Kerri turns to narrow her eyes at me. “I think that is a severe understatement.”

  “He’s her star-crossed musician boyfriend,” James says from the front seat. “Come on, Andrew. Get with the program.”

  Dad blinks like he didn’t know there was a program he should be getting with.

  “You have a boyfriend?” Mom says to me. “Is this the boy from the US Weekly article? How long have you been dating?”

  I shake my head. “James is exaggerating. Milo isn’t my boyfriend, and we aren’t star-crossed lovers.”

  “I guess that depends on how you define star-crossed,” James says.

  Kerri huffs. “I’ll settle this and look up the definition right now—”

  “Everyone, please be quiet!” They all turn to look at me, and I hold a hand over my stomach. “This is already nerve-racking enough.”

  Gigi twists in the passenger seat and gently pats my knee. “It’s all right, my love. It’ll be all right.”

  Her words calm me, but only briefly.

  My heart is beating out of control, and the pace doubles when James pulls up to the venue.

  I hop out of the car like it’s on fire.

  “Should we wait for you?” Gigi asks.

  “No, no,” I call as I run toward the door. “I’ll figure out a way home!”